The Age Of Men

The average heterosexual male follows a certain path in his life. Even more so is one is a moderately successful, heterosexual male. I'd like to go through the steps with you here today.

Ok, first you're born. Blablabla, jump forward approximately two decades and you own a nice little flat (apartment for our North American friends). You drive a decent car which you keep well polished. You wear nice, comfortable clothes outside and in, but with an added emphasis on comfortable for the latter. Your flat has the essential basics and then an unspecified number of items you spent your well earned money on. Flat-screen tv, massage recliner, liquor cabinet, pimped out lighting and audio system, large, spacious bed etc. No unnecessary crap on the walls and no knickknacks which require you to fold your arms when you walk around for fear of things breaking. Oh...and the kitchen has no food which you won't eventually eat. You've got a good reserve of funds in the bank, and some at home too.

Sounds nice. But then you start dating a broad. Sounds better...initially. But somewhere down the line...about a month in you're expected to do something extravagant for a one month anniversary. An expensive dinner should do it. You, on the other hand, will get a pink t-shirt with a bear saying 'I Wub You' on it. Then you have to make, what she calls 'sacrifices' for the relationship to grow. Namely, you can't see your friends anymore unless she's present. She has no problem seeing her friends without you though...that's girl talk, not a bunch of guys goofing around. Also, if you have any female friends, get rid of them. Otherwise your girlfriend will soon start referring to them as 'the sluts you hang out with'.

Let's move on. We're all familiar with the slow takeover. Suddenly you find you have toothbrushes and you lose a whole section in your closet (it's only one section for now). Eventually, you're expected to invite her to move...otherwise you're a commitment-phobe. So she moves in. Then...with all the cheek, she tells you that if you want her living there, there will have to be some changes. All of a sudden the liquor cabinet is gone. Unnecessary furniture fills up your walking space, glass and crystal and china and statues are placed atop...everything. Paintings and more mirrors than faces cover the walls. You've got carpets, sofa covers, tablecloths and a pink bathroom. Your bachelor pad is now a granny heaven. However, you accept this with your good humour because, after all, you're not really a bachelor anymore. You also accept your abrupt diet change as well as your restriction of fun such as sports in exchange for quality time.

Some will get married. Some will have kids. Some will not do either but the trend continues either way. Your healthy reserve of funds is depleted and your clothes are no longer welcome in either of the closets (yeah, I know, where the hell did the second one come from?). Naturally, the fact that they're all over the place is your fault. You have to work twice as hard at your once enjoyable job to keep up with her spending. After work, you come straight home. Enjoying yourself is sexist. Every two weeks there's some holiday you have to buy her presents for. Each present has to be more expensive than the last, otherwise you're a masochist. She's not obliged to get you anything, of course, this is an equal world after all! How sexist of you to expect her to get you something too!

Oh your poor car! She didn't like the attention other girls gave it so in the interests of "safeguarding the relationship/marriage" you traded it in for one of those struggling lower-middle class models.

Eventually the relationship deteriorates. And it's entirely your fault, naturally. So you're in divorce court (in the case of marriage) and your wife gets the flat (formerly known as bachelor pad) and most of it's belongings. Why? Because she's the woman. Good news, however! You get to keep the car you sacrificed your sports vehicle for. If you aren't married, the same arrangement applies and if you demand otherwise, you spend thousands on a lawyer just to get the same result. Plus a knickknack. Where kids are involved you will lose them to. AND have to pay alimony. I mean, let's face it, the only way the man would get to keep the kids is if the mother has been sent to rehab AND is mentally unstable (Think Britney and Kevin Federline). After all, all things being equal, men are not able of caring for a child by themselves.

It's a sad reality isn't it? Women can do whatever they want to men and be congratulated but men are sexist/masochistic/abusive/unstable/commitment phobic/distant/etc if they reciprocate. This trend, unfortunately, is not something men can reverse. However, it is something that women can/should be forced to undo. The question is...how?

Let's face it...we don't need relationships...men just aren't built to require it. Not that relationships are necessarily a bad thing but...men get along fine without them. And that, gentlemen, is my recommendation. A complete withdrawal from relationships. Naturally, one-night stands are fine - sex must come from somewhere and it sure as hell doesn't come from commitment. And there you have it. If the men world-wide stop entering into relationships, we keep our money and our bachelor pads and continue to have sex. Any woman who wants more than that will, quite simply, have to settle for disappointment.

This won't last forever, of course. The human race would die out. Pretty soon women will realise they need men (Feminists world wide shout : SEXIST! Well, I tell you this, you claim that 'men need women'...or is that not considered sexist since it degrades men?) Anyway...women will change their ways and let men have their own space as well as finally treat them as equals. At the same time, through this prolonged (several years) break from relationships men will understand that they, together with their predecessors, didn't need to take all that crap from women and are, realistically, happier when not bound by commitment.

Hence, years later when relationships resume, if ever a woman should slip up and go back to the selfish ways of the former generations men will rememeber (or have been told by the generation that applies the above method) that this stress is all unnecessary, and would be prompt in getting rid of the woman and trying again with someone who deserves his attention, time and affection. With someone who understands the true concept of equality, whether of their own accord or as a result of the action taken (ie. what I describe above).

So...who wants to call it?

MEN ON STRIKE!

Darryl, from Malta - Online.